French Soccer Team 2008
The effects of climate change can no longer be ignored!
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
climate change
French Soccer Team 1959
French Soccer Team 2008
The effects of climate change can no longer be ignored!
French Soccer Team 2008
The effects of climate change can no longer be ignored!
Monday, March 24, 2008
one apple a day...ma marhs bre !
Kažu da svaki dan moramo pojesti jednu jabuku, a i jednu bananu radi kalijuma.
Takođe i narandžu zbog vitamina C ...
I obavezno popiti jednu šolju zelenog čaja (bez šećera za prevenciju dijabetesa) za smanjenje masnoće u krvi...
Svakoga dana moramo popiti dve litre vode ( i posle je ispi$@ti, što udvostručuje vreme koje smo do sada provodili u WC-u)
Svakoga dana treba uzeti barem jedan Bioaktiv ili jedan jogurt da biste imali sve dobre bakterije, za koje niko ne zna šta su tačno, ali ako se ne opskrbiš sa barem milion i po tih bakterija, videćeš svog đavola...
E da ... i svakoga dana jedan aspirin, za prevenciju infarkta, i jedna čaša crnog vina, takođe protiv infarkta. I jednu čašu belog, za nervni sistem...I jednu čašu piva, ne mogu se setiti za šta...
Ako ih popiješ odjednom, međutim, možeš dobiti moždani udar, ali ne sekiraj se, nećeš ni primetiti...
Svakoga dana treba jesti žitarice!
Mnogo, mnogo, gomilu vlaknastih žitarica, dok ne po$€®eš g0▼∩o veličine i oblika pulovera.
Potrebno je 4 do 6 dnevnih obroka, laganih, s tim da ne smeš zaboraviti - žvakati svaki zalogaj 100 puta- (Tako da ti samo za jelo treba 5 sati)
E da, iza svakog jela trebalo bi oprati zube, tako da zube treba oprati i posle jabuke, posle bioaktiva, posle banana, posle žitarica.I tako sve dok imaš zube u ustima, s tim da ne zaboraviš zubni konac, masažu desni, i, jako važno - ispiranje vodicom za usta...
Bilo bi dobro urediti kupatilo, možda staviti unutra CD player ili TV, jer s obzirom na vodu, žitarice pranje zuba, provešćeš puno, puno vremena unutra...
Treba spavati 8, raditi preko 8 sati, plus 5 za jelo, to je 21. Ostaje ti 3 sata, ako nije baš velika gužva u saobraćaju.
Prema statistikama, TV se gleda prosečno cca 3 sata dnevno. Sada se to više ne može, jer svakoga dana treba hodati najmanje pola sata (savet: posle 15 min kreni nazad jer ako ne, pola sata postaje celi sat).
Treba negovati prijateljstva, jer su poput biljaka, treba ih održavati svakodnevno. Pretpostavljam i kada ideš na put...
Između ostalog, moraš ostati informisan, i čitati barem dve dnevne i nekoliko nedeljnih novina, da bi imao kritički stav..
Seks treba imati svaki dan, ali bez upadanja u rutinu: treba biti inovativan, kreativan i iznova osvajati.
Za sve ovo treba vremena...
Ako želite sebi sve najbolje, onda govorimo o tantričkom seksu.
Treba imati vremena i za dodir s prirodom, pranje poda-sudova-veša, da ne govorimo o tome šta sve treba ako imaš kućnog ljubimca ili decu...
Računica kaze da je za sve to potrebno minimalno 29 sati.
Jedina mogućnost koja se nameće je raditi nekoliko stvari istovremeno:
Npr: tuširaj se hladnom vodom i drži usta otvorena - tako ćeš popiti 2 litre vode.
Dok izlaziš iz kupatila s četkicom za zube u ustima, istovremeno se seksaj (tantrički) s partnerom koji istovremeno gleda TV i čita novine dok ti pereš pod.
Ostala ti je jedna ruka slobodna? Nazovi prijatelje! I rodbinu! Popij vino (nakon razgovora s rodbinom će ti trebati).
Uuuuuuf!
Ako ti je ostalo dva slobodna minuta, pošalji ovu poruku svojim prijateljima (koje treba paziti kao biljke) dok jedeš kašičicu meda, koja je vrlo, vrlo korisna.
Sada te pozdravljam, jer između jabuke, jogurta, piva, prve litre vode i trećeg obroka s dnevnom dozom vlakana, ne znam više šta trebam, ali moram hitno u WC.
Ućariću par minuta istovremeno perući zube...
Takođe i narandžu zbog vitamina C ...
I obavezno popiti jednu šolju zelenog čaja (bez šećera za prevenciju dijabetesa) za smanjenje masnoće u krvi...
Svakoga dana moramo popiti dve litre vode ( i posle je ispi$@ti, što udvostručuje vreme koje smo do sada provodili u WC-u)
Svakoga dana treba uzeti barem jedan Bioaktiv ili jedan jogurt da biste imali sve dobre bakterije, za koje niko ne zna šta su tačno, ali ako se ne opskrbiš sa barem milion i po tih bakterija, videćeš svog đavola...
E da ... i svakoga dana jedan aspirin, za prevenciju infarkta, i jedna čaša crnog vina, takođe protiv infarkta. I jednu čašu belog, za nervni sistem...I jednu čašu piva, ne mogu se setiti za šta...
Ako ih popiješ odjednom, međutim, možeš dobiti moždani udar, ali ne sekiraj se, nećeš ni primetiti...
Svakoga dana treba jesti žitarice!
Mnogo, mnogo, gomilu vlaknastih žitarica, dok ne po$€®eš g0▼∩o veličine i oblika pulovera.
Potrebno je 4 do 6 dnevnih obroka, laganih, s tim da ne smeš zaboraviti - žvakati svaki zalogaj 100 puta- (Tako da ti samo za jelo treba 5 sati)
E da, iza svakog jela trebalo bi oprati zube, tako da zube treba oprati i posle jabuke, posle bioaktiva, posle banana, posle žitarica.I tako sve dok imaš zube u ustima, s tim da ne zaboraviš zubni konac, masažu desni, i, jako važno - ispiranje vodicom za usta...
Bilo bi dobro urediti kupatilo, možda staviti unutra CD player ili TV, jer s obzirom na vodu, žitarice pranje zuba, provešćeš puno, puno vremena unutra...
Treba spavati 8, raditi preko 8 sati, plus 5 za jelo, to je 21. Ostaje ti 3 sata, ako nije baš velika gužva u saobraćaju.
Prema statistikama, TV se gleda prosečno cca 3 sata dnevno. Sada se to više ne može, jer svakoga dana treba hodati najmanje pola sata (savet: posle 15 min kreni nazad jer ako ne, pola sata postaje celi sat).
Treba negovati prijateljstva, jer su poput biljaka, treba ih održavati svakodnevno. Pretpostavljam i kada ideš na put...
Između ostalog, moraš ostati informisan, i čitati barem dve dnevne i nekoliko nedeljnih novina, da bi imao kritički stav..
Seks treba imati svaki dan, ali bez upadanja u rutinu: treba biti inovativan, kreativan i iznova osvajati.
Za sve ovo treba vremena...
Ako želite sebi sve najbolje, onda govorimo o tantričkom seksu.
Treba imati vremena i za dodir s prirodom, pranje poda-sudova-veša, da ne govorimo o tome šta sve treba ako imaš kućnog ljubimca ili decu...
Računica kaze da je za sve to potrebno minimalno 29 sati.
Jedina mogućnost koja se nameće je raditi nekoliko stvari istovremeno:
Npr: tuširaj se hladnom vodom i drži usta otvorena - tako ćeš popiti 2 litre vode.
Dok izlaziš iz kupatila s četkicom za zube u ustima, istovremeno se seksaj (tantrički) s partnerom koji istovremeno gleda TV i čita novine dok ti pereš pod.
Ostala ti je jedna ruka slobodna? Nazovi prijatelje! I rodbinu! Popij vino (nakon razgovora s rodbinom će ti trebati).
Uuuuuuf!
Ako ti je ostalo dva slobodna minuta, pošalji ovu poruku svojim prijateljima (koje treba paziti kao biljke) dok jedeš kašičicu meda, koja je vrlo, vrlo korisna.
Sada te pozdravljam, jer između jabuke, jogurta, piva, prve litre vode i trećeg obroka s dnevnom dozom vlakana, ne znam više šta trebam, ali moram hitno u WC.
Ućariću par minuta istovremeno perući zube...
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Dear Citizens of America
Dear Citizens of America,
In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.
Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."
3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation.
4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
5. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."
8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables… Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour.
12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") - roughly $8/US per gallon. Get used to it.
13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar.
14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors as English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ear removed with a cheese grater.
17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer". Those of you brave enough, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a
bunch of Jessies - English slang for "Big Girls Blouse").
18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable and forgiven.
19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.
Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cleese
In view of your failure to elect a competent President and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately.
Her Sovereign Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy), as from Monday next.
Your new prime minister, Gordon Brown, will appoint a governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium," and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.
2. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour', 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise."
3. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra'; you may elect to spell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you find you simply can't cope with correct pronunciation.
4. Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels (look up "vocabulary"). Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
5. There is no such thing as "US English." We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize."
6. You will relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out Task #1 (see above).
7. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but to be celebrated only in England. It will be called "Come-Uppance Day."
8. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.
9. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
10. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean.
11. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric immediately and without the benefit of conversion tables… Both roundabouts and metrification will help you understand the British sense of humour.
12. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling "gasoline") - roughly $8/US per gallon. Get used to it.
13. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call french fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps." Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with malt vinegar.
14. Waiters and waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
15. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer," and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager." American brands will be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine," so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
16. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors as English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in "Four Weddings and a Funeral" was an experience akin to having one's ear removed with a cheese grater.
17. You will cease playing American "football." There is only one kind of proper football; you call it "soccer". Those of you brave enough, in time, will be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a
bunch of Jessies - English slang for "Big Girls Blouse").
18. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the "World Series" for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable and forgiven.
19. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
20. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due, backdated to 1776.
Thank you for your co-operation.
John Cleese
Sunday, March 2, 2008
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