Alexey Titarenko's "City of Shadows" is a series of haunting, gorgeous long-exposure shots of street-scenes in St Petersburg, Russia. The long exposure-times turn the people in the shots into ghosts and suggestions of motion
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
Long-exposure shots in St Petersburg, Russia turn people into ghosts
Alexey Titarenko's "City of Shadows" is a series of haunting, gorgeous long-exposure shots of street-scenes in St Petersburg, Russia. The long exposure-times turn the people in the shots into ghosts and suggestions of motion
Starting your own country on the open sea
How would you start your own country, with its own government, low taxes and a civilized way of life? With freedoms eroding around the world, with speed cameras and invasive laws, this seems like a key question.
Patri Friedman, grandson of legendary economist Milton, puts it like this:
"Government is an industry with a really high barrier to entry," he said. "You basically need to win an election or a revolution to try a new one. That's a ridiculous barrier to entry. And it's got enormous customer lock-in. People complain about their cellphone plans that are like two years, but think of the effort that it takes to change your citizenship."
Previous efforts at starting micronations have run afoul of nearby governments, and plopping your new country into the San Francisco Bay Area, with some of the highest living costs in the nation, seems a bit cheeky. Surely that is US territory, not the high seas.
But one thing for sure: Government is ossified, corrupt and dysfunctional pretty much everywhere. Having a world of floating platforms where you could change your government as easily as motoring to another location seems like a compelling way to organize society.
But as a threat to existing governments, it's cheeky ... and likely to be prosecuted vigorously.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Most Functional Folding Knife
Leave it to those ingenious Chinese folks to out-Switzerland the Swiss. The world record-setting Wei Ge knife pictured above includes 87 tools with an intended 141 individual functions. It is the first pocket knife designed to entirely defeat the structural integrity of any pocket that attempts to carry it. Among its many features are a hex screw, carabiner, Wankel rotary engine, flux capacitor, and nail file.
It is unclear if the manufacturer of this knife is a chinese company called Wei Ge, or if it is the Chinese company Weierman that registered the trademark "Wei Ge" (a statement that translates to "Great Man" and was later licensed to pharmaceutical companies selling drugs for erectile dysfunction).
All we know for certain is that a manly Chinese company that may or may not have boner issues designed a Swiss Army knife so amazingly functional that it cannot possibly be used for anything. There is a lesson to be learned there, but we're not sure what it is.
Chernobyl Accident
Chernobyl Accident
(May 2008)
- The Chernobyl accident in 1986 was the result of a flawed reactor design that was operated with inadequately trained personnel and without proper regard for safety.
- The resulting steam explosion and fire released at least five percent of the radioactive reactor core into the atmosphere and downwind.
- 28 people died within four months from radiation or thermal burns, 19 have subsequently died, and there have been around nine deaths from thyroid cancer apparently due to the accident: total 56 fatalities as of 2004.
- An authoritative UN report in 2000 concluded that there is no scientific evidence of any significant radiation-related health effects to most people exposed. This was confirmed in a very thorough 2005-06 study.
The April 1986 disaster at the Chernobyl nuclear power plant in the Ukraine was the product of a flawed Soviet reactor design coupled with serious mistakes made by the plant operators in the context of a system where training was minimal. It was a direct consequence of Cold War isolation and the resulting lack of any safety culture.
NB: "Chernobyl" is the well-known Russian name for the site; "Chornobyl" is preferred by Ukraine.
Reactor diagram.
Source: OECD NEA
The accident destroyed the Chernobyl-4 reactor and killed 30 people, including 28 from radiation exposure. A further 209 on site and involved with the clean-up were treated for acute radiation poisoning and among these, 134 cases were confirmed (all of whom apparently recovered). Nevertheless 19 of these subsequently died from effects attributable to the accident. Nobody off-site suffered from acute radiation effects. However, large areas of Belarus, Ukraine, Russia and beyond were contaminated in varying degrees.
The Chernobyl disaster was a unique event and the only accident in the history of commercial nuclear power where radiation-related fatalities occurred.* However, its relevance to the rest of the nuclear industry outside the then Eastern Bloc is minimal.
* There have been fatalities in military and research reactor contexts, eg Tokai-mura.
The accident
On 25 April, prior to a routine shut-down, the reactor crew at Chernobyl-4 began preparing for a test to determine how long turbines would spin and supply power following a loss of main electrical power supply. Similar tests had already been carried out at Chernobyl and other plants, despite the fact that these reactors were known to be very unstable at low power settings.
A series of operator actions, including the disabling of automatic shutdown mechanisms, preceded the attempted test early on 26 April. As flow of coolant water diminished, power output increased. When the operator moved to shut down the reactor from its unstable condition arising from previous errors, a peculiarity of the design caused a dramatic power surge.
The fuel elements ruptured and the resultant explosive force of steam lifted off the cover plate of the reactor, releasing fission products to the atmosphere. A second explosion threw out fragments of burning fuel and graphite from the core and allowed air to rush in, causing the graphite moderator to burst into flames.
There is some dispute among experts about the character of this second explosion. The graphite - there was over 1200 tonnes of it - burned for nine days, causing the main release of radioactivity into the environment. A total of about 14 EBq (1018 Bq) of radioactivity was released, half of it being biologically-inert noble gases. See also appended sequence of events.
Some 5000 tonnes of boron, dolomite, sand, clay and lead were dropped on to the burning core by helicopter in an effort to extinguish the blaze and limit the release of radioactive particles.
The damaged Chernobyl unit 4 reactor building
Immediate impact
It is estimated that all of the xenon gas, about half of the iodine and caesium, and at least 5% of the remaining radioactive material in the Chernobyl-4 reactor core (which had 192 tonnes of fuel) was released in the accident. Most of the released material was deposited close by as dust and debris , but the lighter material was carried by wind over the Ukraine, Belarus, Russia and to some extent over Scandinavia and Europe.
The main casualties were among the firefighters, including those who attended the initial small fires on the roof of the turbine building. All these were put out in a few hours, but radiation doses on the first day were estimated to range up to 20,000 millisieverts (mSv), causing 28 deaths in the next four months and 19 subsequently.
The next task was cleaning up the radioactivity at the site so that the remaining three reactors could be restarted, and the damaged reactor shielded more permanently. About 200,000 people ("liquidators") from all over the Soviet Union were involved in the recovery and clean up during 1986 and 1987. They received high doses of radiation, average around 100 millisieverts. Some 20,000 of them received about 250 mSv and a few received 500 mSv. Later, the number of liquidators swelled to over 600,000 but most of these received only low radiation doses. The highest doses were received by about 1000 emergency workers and on-site personnel during the first day of the accident.
Initial radiation exposure in contaminated areas was due to short-lived iodine-131, later caesium-137 was the main hazard. (Both are fission products dispersed from the reactor core, with half lives of 8 days and 30 years respectively. 1.8 Ebq of I-131 & 0.085 Ebq of Cs-137 were released.) About five million people lived in areas contaminated (above 37 kBq/m2 Cs-137) and about 400,000 lived in more contaminated areas of strict control by authorities (above 555 kBq/m2 Cs-137).
On 2-3 May, some 45,000 residents were evacuated from within a 10 km radius of the plant, notably from the plant operators' town of Pripyat. On 4 May, all those living within a 30 kilometre radius - a further 116 000 people from the more contaminated area - were evacuated and later relocated. About 1,000 of these have since returned unofficially to live within the contaminated zone. Most of those evacuated received radiation doses of less than 50 mSv, although a few received 100 mSv or more.
Reliable information about the accident and resulting contamination was not available to affected people for about two years following the accident. This led to distrust and confusion about health effects.
In the years following the accident a further 210 000 people were resettled into less contaminated areas, and the initial 30 km radius exclusion zone (2800 km2) was modified and extended to cover 4300 square kilometres. This resettlement was due to application of a criterion of 350 mSv projected lifetime radiation dose, though in fact radiation in most of the affected area (apart from half a square kilometre) fell rapidly so that average doses were less than 50% above normal background
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
5 amazing technology in the future
5 amazing technology in the future (probably)
This innovative “Transparent Toaster” concept uses special heating glass to warm a single slice of bread. Unfortunately, the glass does not reach a high enough temperature — at this time — to actually toast the bread. No word yet on if this concept will go into production.we’ll wait of course,energy saving dude! hehe.
Electronic paper, a thin, flexible display technology that reveals digital images in full color, was invented by Israeli company Magink. Inventables imagines that the material could be used to create a portable “origami DVD player,” which would unfold to reveal a big screen. Now you wouldnt need of a boxy portable dvd player!
Tempra Technology and Crown Holdings have partnered to develop the world’s first self cooling beer can. It looks like a normal 500ml can, but features an integrated self-cooling device that reduces the “contents by a minimum of 30° Fahrenheit (16.7° C) in just three minutes.”
“When activated, the all natural desiccant contained within a vacuum draws the heat from the beverage through the evaporator into an insulated heat-sink container.”
Set back into each urinal is a pressure-sensitive display, which activates an interactive game when used. This game includes sounds and images, bringing entertainment value to where you’d least expect. It will most likely will be installed in airports and schools “with the functional purpose of improving hygiene”. I want this gadget please!! :p
The projection of the project into a museum space was conceived of as a critical-ironic measure, questioning the concept of art, but extending it at the same time
The Bright Walk shoes, designed my Alberto Villarreal for the safety of all nigh-time joggers. The shoes illuminate dark paths by converting the energy from walking or running into electric energy. Sensors on the soles tell the shoes to light up. Now that the issue of running safely in the dark has been addressed, wonder when they’ll come up with anti-mugging shoes to make night runs that much safer
Saturday, January 31, 2009
The 'Great Letters' of the Korean writing system
Korean writing is an alphabet, a syllabary and logographs all at once. Each word is made from alphabet letters that combine into syllables,which are combined into a compact character block.
The remarkable Korean writing system, Hangul, is little known outside Korea, and conflicting statements may be read about it.
The changeover from Chinese-origin hanja characters to the versatile hangul at the end of half a century of Japanese occupation facilitated Korea's explosion of literacy from 1945 on. It could well be a major factor in Korea's massive leap in thirty years from being the backward, semi-medieval, war-torn country that I knew in 1950 to one of the most industrialised and fastest growing economies in the world.
The hangul script, literally, the 'Great Letters', sometimes called Onmun, shows the ingenuity possible when an orthography is carefully designed to be frendly to its users at every point. Letter names signify their sounds, and the shape of each symbol was supposedly designed to represent its phonetic articulation (although others claim anecdotally that the shapes were taken fortuitously from the design of a lattice that happened to be around.)
The simple 24 letters of the script represent the phonemes of the language. They build up logically to make about 120 very common syllables and nearly 400 in common use, making around 2000 altogether of mostly square-framed syllable blocks, by stacking the geometric shapes of the consonants on to the bar shapes of the vowels, either horizontally or vertically, The blocks have the memorable visual qualities of gestalts, like simple Chinese characters, but with very different constituents.
This orthography suits the Korean language, which is composed mostly of polysyllabic morphemes, with an elaborate inflexional system based on suffixes. I. Taylor (1980) found that the three levels of complexity in hangul characters were better for discriminating and recognising syllable blocks than single levels. The syllables then string into words, with wider spacing between the words, and this facilitates word recognition within the sentences. Logical distinctions reduce homographs. Western scholars have admired its phonetic accuracy, perfect match to the language, internal structure and its 'sheer creativeness'. Dictionaries are not needed for spelling.
A language with thousands of syllables (like English) could be represented in this syllabic writing, because it is built up alphabetically. The next stage of building up syllables reduces sequencing errors, and simplifies parsing. For example, the notorious English word 'antidisestablishmentarianism', which is 28 letters in English, would be condensed into ten syllable-blocks if in hangul. Unfamiliar words can be decoded at any of its three levels of sound, syllable and whole-word character, and by either visual or auditory perceptual mode. The different levels of present English spelling, however, operate to make it 'a psycholinguistic guessing game' (Goodman, 1976).
In South but not in North Korea, the visually distinctive Chinese hanja characters are also often still used as a useful discriminant in mixed text, to represent traditional Chinese loan words. They continue links with Chinese and Japanese culture, as well as being a status symbol of better education. In 1956 Gray's Korean subjects read this type of mixed script faster than the pure phonetic hangul, but 20 years later, Noh Hwang Park & Kim (1977, cited by Taylor & Taylor, 1983: 90) found that hangul was read faster - a difference which may be due to the decreasing familiarity of hanja.
Korean keyboards of mechanical typewriters have been cumbersome, since consonants can be in both top and bottom positions in syllables, but electronic word-processing is simple. Symbols are simply typed in alphabetically, and automatically packaged and adjusted into high letter-quality syllable blocks.
Blood Trivia!
Q. What common chemical added to blood keeps it from clotting until it is ready to be transfused to a patient?
A. Salt
Q. What common chemical added to blood greatly increases its storage time without adversely affecting the quality?
A. Sugar
Q. When and how was the first administration of blood given?
A. The early Egyptians and Romans prescribed it orally as a life-giving tonic and to transmit youth from donor to recipient.
Q. What was the nickname of the Queen of England and Ireland who resigned from 1553-1558?
A. Bloody Mary (Mary Tudor)
Q. Which ancient culture, believing that blood had magical powers, painted their bodies with it and bathed their kings in it as part of their tribal ritual to appease the gods?
A. Aztecs
Q. In ancient times, what profession became known by the name of an animal they frequently employed in their work?
A. Doctors used leeches to remove blood (which supposedly removed demons which were thought to be the cause of illness). Soon their patients started referring to physicians as "leeches."
Q. When were the four blood types identified in humans?
A. Blood transfusions were first attempted around 1600 by transfusing animal blood into humans - with disastrous results. Then, in the early 1800s an English obstetrician, James Blundell, came up with the idea of human blood for human beings. The results were better, but still some patients inexplicably died. Finally, in 1920, Karl Landsteiner identified the four basic blood types, and subsequently, the success of blood transfusions was significantly increased when patients were transfused with their same type.
Q. Which RH factor is most needed, RH+ or RH- ?
A. Both. A greater percentage of people have RH+, so this means more RH+ blood donors are needed. Fewer people have RH- blood so there are fewer donors to provide this type when needed.
Q. What is the origin of the red & white striped pole designating a barber shop?
A. In the Middle Ages, bloodletting was a popular cure for many ills, and barbers became known as professional bloodletters. Red & white barber poles symbolize the practice of hanging bloodstained bandages outside their shops.
Q. What English aristocrat believed that bathing in blood would keep her young (which may have contributed to the beginning of the vampire legend)?
A. Mary Bathory
Q. What blood type did Mr. Spock of Star Trek have?
A. His blood type was T-negative (and colored green because of the copper content)
Q. What nation has popularized the belief that blood type is an indicator of personality traits?
A. Japan
Q. What percentage of a person's body weight is blood?
A. 7%
Q. What percentage of Chinese people have RH+ blood?
A. 100%
Q. Which blood type must receive only their own specific type, even in an emergency?
A. O-
Q. How many blood types do cats have?
A. Four
Q. How many blood types do cows have?
A. Over 800funny sms :)
☻We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!
☻I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING
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☻If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
☻When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.
☻Conserve toilet paper, use both sides. ☻I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!
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☻Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
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☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
☻Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
☻I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
☻Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!
☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors
☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.
☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
☻For sale : Twin beds, one hardly used.
☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
☻Whats the definitoin of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
☻Whits pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
☻What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.
☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.
☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
A: An f****ing know it all.
☻ A chicken sandwidch walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
☻ Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
☻ I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
☻ Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.
☻ What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
☻I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
☻ It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
☻ I wonder if you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
☻ Just because you're paranoid, it doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you.
☻ You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
☻ I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
☻ My Reality Check bounced.
☻ Minds are like Parachutes. They work best when open.
☻ Do not meddle in the affairs of cats, for they are subtle and will whiz on your computer.
☻ Lightyears ahead! Just a phonecall away!
☻Very funny Scotty. Now beam up my clothes.
☻Do chickens think rubber humans are funny?
☻There cannot be a crisis today; my schedule is already full.
☻Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back
☻As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing
☻Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
☻What do you call a handcuffed man?
- Trustworthy.
☻What's the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant
☻Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
☻A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth.
☻Why don't men often show their true feelings?
- Because they don't have any. 1
☻What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
- E.T. phoned home.
☻What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women.
☻A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
☻Marriage is a three ring circus: an engagement ring, a wedding ring, and suffering
☻How Dogs and Women are alike.....
Neither believe that silence is golden.
Neither can balance a checkbook.
Both put too much value on kissing.
☻Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.
☻If you jogged backward ... would you gain weight?
☻Did you hear about the new Chinese Cookbook being sold only at pet stores?
"101 Ways to Wok Your Dog"
☻If you can't change your mind, are you sure you still have one?
☻Did you ever walk into a room and and forget why you walked in? that's how dogs spend their lives.
☻I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
☻I only use de-oudourant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled of.
☻Did you hear about the idiot who walked around the world? He drowned.
☻A woman walked into a fancy cocktail bar and asked the barman for a "double entendre" - so he gave her one!
☻Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
☻A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
☻A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
☻A dyslexic man walks into a bra
☻A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
☻A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
☻Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
☻I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
☻Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
☻News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv.. another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
☻God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
☻The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
☻CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
☻Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
☻This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
☻Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
☻I want to suck you.. lick you.. wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
☻ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
☻Don't spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
☻Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
☻Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
☻Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
☻I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
☻There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
☻What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
☻What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
☻I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
☻A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
☻Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
☻What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
☻Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.
☻Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
☻What is the difference between a woman and a magnet?
Magnets have a positive side!
☻The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
☻Q: What does a blonde owl say?
A: What, what?
☻WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
☻What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet?
The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.
☻Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed?
Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.
☻What do Germans use for birth control?
Their personalities!
☻Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet?
He was looking for Pooh!
☻What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes?
You don't, you've told her twice already!
☻What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie?
One fucked the miners, the other fucked the Majors
☻Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease?
A: Her IQ goes up.
☻Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!
☻Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
☻I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.
☻What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German?
A man who's too drunk to follow orders.
☻I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.
☻How many men do you need for a mafia funeral?
Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
☻For sale : Air Bags, Used once.
☻What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.
☻What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.
☻Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.
☻What's pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!
☻What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home!
What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.
☻How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.
☻Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll?
A: We don't know. Never happens.
☻Q: Why was the leper caught speeding?
A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.
☻Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore?
A: An fucking know it all.
☻A chicken sandwich walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".
☻Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.
☻Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
☻I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
☻If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
☻Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.
☻What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
☻Q: How did the Pollack burn his face?
A: Bobbing for french fries.
☻Q: What's difference between Yogurt and Australia?
A: One has a real live culture.
☻Q: What's diff between Michael Jackson and grocery bag?
A: Ones white, made outta plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Fanny.
Fanny who?
Fanny the way you keep saying 'Who's there? Every time I knock.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's There?
A midget who cant reach the doorbell.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry.
Harry who?
Harry up and let me in!
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Harry, Butch, and Jimmy.
Harry, Butch and Jimmy who?
Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive across the road.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mummy.
Mummy who?
Mummeasles are better so can I come in?
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Boo.
Boo who?
There's no need to cry, it's only a joke.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam key broke in the lock.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I called by?
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister.
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor sore hand from knocking so much.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
York.
York who?
York coming over to my place tonight?
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel broken? I had to knock.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here.
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grandma's gone?
☻Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked - that's why I knocked.
☻friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxx
☻(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!
☻He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!
☻Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!
☻Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!
☻T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network
☻I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day
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